Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
