This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
