Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
