Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
