So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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