..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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