dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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