His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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