The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
