It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
