DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
