My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
