I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
