i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
