His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize