I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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