Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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