I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
