put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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