make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
