absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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