you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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