my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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