I'm jealous of your bromance
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize