gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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