Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize