So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
