addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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