I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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