I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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