overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
