I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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