I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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