Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
