I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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