I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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