The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize