I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
