He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
