ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
