If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
