A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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