Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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