8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
