Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
