She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
