You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
