my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
