it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
