fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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