also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
