so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize