You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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