The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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