Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
