She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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