Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
