The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
