Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
