with your own penis?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
