the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
