I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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