then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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