is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
