True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost the right to judge tonight
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
