just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
