Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
