I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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