ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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