Your tits are I can't wait for
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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