you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
