And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize