i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
