Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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